It’s recently become vogue to comment on the various monsters found throughout D&D’s history. From what I can tell, this got started with Head Injury Theater’s Celebrating 30 Years of Very Stupid Monsters article, and others picked up the idea from there. Like many gamers, I’ve enjoyed the insights, humor, and general geek-dom that these websites have shown us by examining various facets of the game(s) we all enjoy.
Up until now, I’ve only been dipping my toes in the waters of the blogosphere, with sporadic postings on EN World or deviantART. However, reading so many great RPG blogs has inspired me to start my own, and this is the result. Unlike the afore-linked pages, I’ll try to update this blog at least semi-regularly, sharing my thoughts and opinions on RPGs in general, and D&D 3.5/Pathfinder in particular.
In that regard, I’ll be starting off with a monster commentary. Rather than going over monsters from throughout the games history, however, I’m going to focus on the newest monster book to be released: the Pathfinder Bestiary, by Paizo Publishing. I’ll go through each creature in the book, one at a time (save for a few instances where extremely similar monsters are grouped together) and in alphabetical order. From the artwork, to changes Paizo’s made to the creature, to whatever else comes to mind, these are my ramblings on Pathfinder’s monsters.
So with that said, let’s turn to the book’s first entry…
Right off the bat, Paizo begins the Bestiary with Pin-up Girl #1. That’s the designation I’m giving to the monsters that look like they should be part of some sort of “Beast Babes” calendar that Paizo’s selling. Now, to be fair, the aasimar is depicted much more tastefully than any of the other pin-up girls; she’s not showing off any skin, but her clothes hug her figure about as much as you’d expect a nice dress to (and yes, I know she’s supposed to be wearing clerical vestments there, but come on, that’s a dress).
Of course, aasimars come in both sexes, so this doesn’t necessarily need to be the case, but Paizo apparently wanted the Bestiary to open with some eye-candy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
But enough ogling…
I’ve heard some people say that the aasimar has a stupid name because the “aas” at the beginning is pronounced like “ass.” Man am I glad I never thought of that. I always made that first “s” have a hard “z” sound – to me, she’s always been called an “AZ-eh-mar.” But really, I can understand why people would want to drop the name entirely; can you imagine being a scion of celestial power, a hero and champion to the people…and having the name for what you are begin with “ass”? Just think of how that’d go.
“Fear not, good sir, you are safe now.”
“My thanks sire, I thought I was a goner for certain. Might I ask your name?”
“I am Ordirius the Great, aasimar and holy warrior of light.”
“*snort* Y-yes m’lord. I’ll tell *giggle* everyone that I was saved by…*bites lip* by Ordirius the great ass…hole-, holy…*breaks down laughing*”
“Hey! Stop laughing! Stop laughing right now!”
And people wonder why tieflings are more popular.